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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE   Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Sat, 14/06/2025 15:45 (2 Days ago) |
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I just got an ask on Tumblr—that I know is in response to my recent journal post—telling me to get a job. I blocked them, but I'm still saying. I HAVE one. It's called caring for my dad, who is on oxygen 24/7, and bedridden for most of the day. I am basically In Home Care Service for him. And yes. Contacting DSHS on Monday to figure out how to become a paid one. I don't know how to drive. YET. It's summer, and dad can't teach me. Even if he could, I will NOT get a job while he's still alive. What if his lung collapses again and he falls and is unable to get help? My mom has cancer, and will be going through chemo/radiation for the first time. Since I know how weak it made dad, I will also be taking care of her. I'm not going to get a job for the next 3-5 years. You're a pos if you think I am. The ONLY jobs I am trying for now are: Becoming an Artist, Getting Affiliated on Twitch, and Getting tipped for being a Content Creator. After? Yes. I plan on getting a job at a library. 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Sat, 14/06/2025 06:42 (3 Days ago) |
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Dad: *calls me into the bedroom* The next time you go to the store, can you get me Fudgsicles? It's been a while, and I want some. Me: We've got some Moose Track Ice Cream Sandwiches. Do those count? Dad: No. I want Fudgsicles. But I'll take one of those. Me: No. It's 11.30. Dad: *holds out hand like he's holding up a card* Me: Are you seriously playing the Cancer card? Dad: *like Stitch* Yes. Me: *rolls eyes and gets him one* Dad: Why you no get one? Me: Because I don't have Cancer. Dad: *looks at sandwich, looks at me, holds out hand* Want to borrow my card? Me: Ooh. *smiles, takes, hands back, and walks out to get my own sandwich* 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Sat, 14/06/2025 04:54 (3 Days ago) |
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Lmfao. Why is it that when several people hate someone for doing something, it's okay? But when I mention that I hate the same person for the same reason, I'm suddenly a whiny witch? If you're going to call me out for voicing my opinion, call out the others doing the same thing! In my mind, calling out only me is harassment. On the other hand, I'm glad something was said about me. This poor widdle wolfcat was feeling forgotten. :'( Not that I want you to attack me, but damn. This September makes FIVE YEARS. MOVE THE HELL ON ALREADY! Like seriously? Both parents have cancer. One is terminal. One is incurable. Most of my day is spent packing for our move, taking care of rl priorities as spoons allow, and caring for dad. Pretty soon, I'll also be taking care of my mom while she's going through chemo/radiation treatments. I STILL have to deal with how dad handles me, and I hardly have time to write or game/stream anymore. Don't think I don't know what you're secretly thinking. That everything happening to me is punishment for my past actions and beliefs. If you genuinely believe that, then why do you keep saying things to hurt me more? Why don't you just sit back and enjoy the negative things continuing to happen to me? You don't need to rub salt in the wound and make me feel worse about myself. I can't tell you how many times I've seriously contemplated kms over the last two months. How many times I cry myself to sleep, think I'm unworthy of love, that people are friends with me out of pity. Please just stop. 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Fri, 06/06/2025 16:28 (10 Days ago) |
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Soooo....My brother messaged me regarding mom's consultation yesterday. They went over her scans and everything and established that, although she is not terminal, her cancer is NOT curable. They are discussing with a Tumor board to see if they can get some more biopsies done (don't really know why they've needed so many) because the area they want to do now is close to some major blood vessels. My mom had told me she was also going to have a chemo port put in, so I expected, like, daily chemotherapy or something for 6-8 weeks. According to my brother, she will be receiving treatment for the rest of her life. The doctor said he had another patient who's been on treatment for five years now, and is currently cancer-free, but he's scared that if he stops treatment on them, the cancer will come back. I'm trying so very hard not to freak out, but I'm crying right now. It was bad enough knowing that my time with dad is guaranteed to be cut short. But now knowing that I might not have as much time left with my mom either? I can't. I just freaking can't. 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Fri, 06/06/2025 00:42 (11 Days ago) |
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It's been many years since dad made his grilled cheese sandwiches, so I thought I'd try making them myself. Y'all are probably thinking "whoopdee. It's not that difficult." Okay. So first, I made them what dad calls "the right way" (though I technically did it wrong XD). First, I toasted the bread in a frying pan and then added butter and garlic pepper. Apparently, I was supposed to add butter and cinnamon and melt 'em WHILE toasting the bread. And according to him, I wasn't toasting them enough to get truly toasted because I was nervous of burning them. Second. I cut enough block cheese to add 1 1/2 slices per sandwich. Dad came in about that time, and "saved" the meal by cutting and adding enough slices for 1 1/2 pieces PER piece. He took over then, closed them all up, and toasted the sandwiches just a bit longer for the cheese to melt. Third. We cut them diagonally and ate each bite after dipping it into tomato soup. ^.^ Dad says it tasted surprisingly good for the mix-up in steps, but that it was better with cinnamon. I told him I thought I did very well remembering the steps (albeit out of order) since it had been so long. And that I was glad I'd done it without asking him for help. Of course, that got a response of "Not asking is why you mess up so many things." Welp. Sorry. But you won't always be around to supervise me. And I have to learn how to do things myself. Even if it winds up being a strange way that works for me. So long as I'm no longer co-dependent, I'm glad! ^.^ 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Thu, 05/06/2025 05:38 (12 Days ago) |
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My 100th Shadow of Hoenn is Seviper! I was hoping for Spinda, but I like Seviper, so it's okay. 55 more to go! 9 Legends and 5 Starters. Not looking forward to the days to weeks without a new one, though. -_- Johto was Unown I, and Kanto was Aerodactyl. And I swear. I'll get to continuing Angel of the Shadows. Just in the process of doing A LOT of work to pack things, tidy up the house, and other real-life priorities before our move. Not to mention dealing with both parents having cancer. Then learning that dad might ALSO have to have chemo and radiation if this current treatment of his continues not to shrink the mass in his neck. And now I'm worried cause remember. If no treatment works, it shortens his life from 3-5 years to 6 months-2 years. I don't understand why all this is happening to me. I wish I could have some good news and happiness for once. 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Mon, 02/06/2025 15:46 (14 Days ago) |
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... Dad pings me into the bedroom. I go in there, and he's breathing super heavily. He asks me to hand him his oxygen. Since he usually has it on all night (and during the day only when out and about or otherwise active), I asked him why he wasn't wearing it. He told me he went to the bathroom (I didn't know) and that he'd planned on getting up (I remember that; apparently, he decided he wanted more time in bed). Here's the kicker. Dad then started complaining about how I made him unload all the boxes of flooring into the trailer, and crawl around under the vehicle to fix something. I'm just standing there like O.O. Obviously, I'd never do that, but my point is... You seriously freaking got your body worked up over a dream? Lmfao. You should probably try not to follow through to the end on most workout dreams. 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Sat, 31/05/2025 16:49 (16 Days ago) |
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[Gaming - PokeFarm Q] Rant -_- Yet ANOTHER First on Site Melan gotten by one individual. How in the world does this person always have so much GP? I've got 44k, and that was from my dad and me saving for several months. WHY do they insist on trying so hard EVERY TIME? I would try only for FoS Melans of ones I found insanely cute. NOT for EVERY. SINGLE. FREAKING. NEW. RELEASE. Especially when you have insane luck with specials. Don't even start on me getting so many FoS Hoenn Shadows. Even though they're all a matter of RNG, in my opinion, it's different. Yeah. If there's a Legend/Starter, I won't take a break until I catch it. But it's by far more of an equal opportunity for the community than Melans or Shiny Megas. I hate the FoS Melan Obtaining by one person as much as the Spriters claiming FoS of the Pokémon they created. Yes. They deserve a Shiny. But the community deserves the fun of the competitive race to see who gets the FoS. Seriously, though? Give others a chance!!! 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Thu, 29/05/2025 20:58 (18 Days ago) |
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Okay, so the dentist checkup is done. He said my teeth looked very good for not getting a checkup in 7+ years. I have five cavities. Two or three of them are on teeth with prior restoration just underneath the filling. This means that the previous filling will be removed and a new filling placed. The teeth getting the secondary restoration will be watched for fractures and later receive crowns. It's a good thing I chose NOW to go in due to sensitivity to cold on two of the teeth. One had a cavity approaching the center of the tooth where the nerves are. This minor pain could have become waaaay more severe if I'd waited. Tomorrow, I get to call to schedule appointments in July. One will consist of a cleaning, one for one to two cavity fillings, and one for a consultation for braces (I've actually wanted braces for years, but a mix of self-consciousness and hating the dentist kept me from doing it). Sadly, Molina doesn't cover Adult Braces. Google says the average price is $3k-$15k. Based on the parts the dentist said would need to be fixed, dad is expecting the lower side. But the quote from the consultation will determine if we actually go through with getting braces or not. 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Tue, 27/05/2025 00:30 (21 Days ago) |
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Today's Accomplishments Two loads of laundry (15 minutes) Removed shelfing from bookshelf and cleaned it (10 minutes) Moved Bookshelf to car (5 minutes) Packed five Walmart Reusable Totes with books (5 minutes) Reboxed Stamp Collection (15 minutes) Did some shopping (15 minutes) Swept and cleaned up my room to organize better (15 minutes) Phone Call (10 minutes) I still need to put the bedding back on my bed, which will take another ten minutes. Sometimes, I see things like this and think, "That's only 100 minutes of work. You have no right to complain when people work 6-15 hours a day, and then come home to house chores, kids, or other things." But I have to remind myself that—like writing—any day that anything is done is better than nothing. I might not be happy with the amount I have accomplished, and other people will definitely feel like I should have done more since it was so little physically. But it's not the physical aspect of work that gets me. It's the mental strain from using more spoons than allotted for the day. The fact I now desperately want but can't have several days to recharge after (Granted, I feel like this would be allowed more often, provided I hadn't spent the last ten years regularly taking weeks to months to "recharge"). But when I do enough so I don't feel like streaming, writing, crocheting, drawing, watching TV, anything I love after...Or when I can't even bring myself to shower, I've done too much that day. This is so my fault, and I know that. I took advantage of leniency for far too long. I fought suggestions, schedules, and structure because the pressure of knowing I had to do things made me not want to do them even more. I didn't know I had ADHD or Autism until just a few years ago. Not that that justifies things now, but I shouldn't have to learn how to cope and adjust on my own. And I know that until I have proven with my actions that I've changed, people will continue to see me as how I portrayed myself originally. 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Tue, 27/05/2025 00:30 (21 Days ago) |
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I'm to the point where, on days that I plan on being very busy getting stuff done around the house, that I'm going to completely turn off my phone. Phone calls and pms wind up being nothing but a derailing distraction. My ADHD makes it to where if I don't finish the current task I'm on before being interrupted, I lose the drive and desire to do it. Then, I either sit there for half an hour unable to do anything out of frustration and executive dysfunction. And when I finally get up the motivation to get back to work, I might not even complete what I started. I might have forgotten about it completely or saw something else that needed done, too. The muscle in my lower right back is hurting again, but I can't just take it easy when so much needs done. And if I take it too easy, I'm being lazy and a wimp. Mental health be damned. Everything that needs done all this summer is going to burn me out so badly. But I'm the only one who can do most of it. Can't rely on others to have days off, or to come when they say they will. And especially don't want to be the cause of people taking sick leave or personal days just to help out. Save that for when YOU need it. Being Neurodivergent and being forced into a sense of normalcy because "ADHD, Autism, and the likes are just excuses to be lazy and a drain on society" just absolutely sucks. Having depression and anxiety on top of that and barely having the energy to care for yourself every day but being made to act normal just drains the energy faster. How do Working Neurodivergents push through for long periods of time without breaking down? 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Mon, 26/05/2025 01:35 (22 Days ago) |
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*sighs in silence* 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Thu, 22/05/2025 04:10 (26 Days ago) |
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I'm looking to sell some of my OCs/Art. I lost connection with them, never fully connected with them, or always intended to sell them (the ones by me). They're all for the price I paid for them or, when it comes to my art/fills, what I thought they should go for. ToyHouse 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Wed, 21/05/2025 03:41 (27 Days ago) |
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Lmfao. A month ago, I told my ADHD Doctor about my Wolff-Parkinson-White and that I'd be getting surgery for it. I informed him I took Zoloft and Hydroxyzine for Depression and Anxiety. The doctor initially prescribed me one med, and then changed it to Clonidine after he "thought more" about its interactions with the heart. I looked up the side effects and found that it could lower blood pressure. I hadn't told him that I had naturally low blood pressure. But why would you even think of telling a Behavioral Therapist about that? When I brought it up to him in MyChart, it took about a week to get a response, and then another two weeks for him to contact my PCP to discuss my chart with her and my Cardiologist to see what could be prescribed. So, a month after my first appointment (today), I picked up Vyvanse for my ADHD. As usual, I checked the side effects. "To make sure this medicine is safe for you, tell your doctor if you or anyone in your family has ever had: Depression, mental illness, bipolar disorder, psychosis, or suicidal thoughts or actions." Okay. I'm pretty certain Zoloft is used for Depression. And I know I brought up Depression, psychosis, and suicidal thoughts during my intake session. AND that several people in my family had Depression. *googles Can I take Vyvanse with Zoloft? and finds article that speaks of 7 Medication types NOT to be taken with Vyvanse* "Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) [...] are used to treat a wide variety of mental health conditions like depression, anxiety,[...]. Examples of SSRIs include ZOLOFT!" I am well aware that doctors weigh the risks and benefits when prescribing medications. But I also know that doctors CAN and DO make mistakes. So, dad's advice right now is... Based on the wrongly prescribed medication the first time (unintentional and can be overlooked due to it not entirely being his mistake), the length of time it took to get things sorted, and the fact that Vyvanse is clearly stated NOT to be taken with Zoloft due to a risk of Serotonin Syndrome... That I not take this medication either. He said he would go with me to the next appointment to "have at" the doctor because he knows how non-confrontational I am. Even if I did have the courage to bring it up myself, I wouldn't argue it to the extent that dad would. I'd get too anxious, worked up, and agree just to move on. 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Tue, 20/05/2025 05:23 (28 Days ago) |
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*yawns* After a day of: Half an hour of weeding, a thirty-minute doctor visit for dad, an hour spent filling out paperwork we got in the mail from Social Security for dad, a roleplay reply made, and then two hours of streaming, this little wolfcat is heading to bed. And sadly, making a dentist appointment tomorrow (because it's been several years, and I'm now having problems with my teeth, and I HATE the dentist SO MUCH). Wait. UGH. We have to go to town tomorrow to pick up my new ADHD meds, and two meds for dad. So there's a couple hours not being able to do anything. Oh, well. Will try to find the time to pack three boxes and write some more for my Dreams of Darkness project. Oh! I also finally watched another episode of The Mandalorian today, S2E15. I don't really like how they ended that, because I feel they could have used a man like him. Good night! May the Force serve you well! 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Mon, 19/05/2025 20:24 (28 Days ago) |
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So, I found my Wolf Hat, which I lost at the end of February. It was in a spot I knew I'd looked several times. My guess is I'm not supposed to wash it, as it looked so completely different from what it did when I originally bought it, that those minor differences were likely why I overlooked it. I brought it out to dad, crying because it wasn't soft anymore, looked yucky, and no longer had any fluff in its cheeks. Dad: Have you brushed it? Me: Huh? Dad: *holds out hand, takes a brush to it a few times, and hands it back* Me: *the specific spot feels and looks as I remember* :O Me: Can I do this with blankets that have lost their softness, too? Dad: Yes. *seems shocked I didn't know this* Note that this was also about twenty minutes after a conversation about how, although my plants aren't sentient enough to understand me, they do, in fact, react to my soft tone telling them how pretty they look and how well they bounced back from forgetting to water them while I was in a lot of pain. Like, practically hours after I watered them, they were perking up. And that some plants actually prefer metal/rock music. I've heard this before, but never actually believed it. But, now... 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Sun, 18/05/2025 02:04 (30 Days ago) |
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I was sitting doing the Shadow Radar and thinking about how I was going to rewrite the chapter of Angel of the Shadows. I couldn’t remember if I’d changed the names of two of the antagonists (Mally and Iggy) and was considering leaving them as they were. But then I got to thinking. I was made to hate my previous usernames (Wildfyre and FireWolf), and that it wouldn’t be right of me to make someone else hate their gaming tag just because I hated them. I also realized that that would make me hating the person, and though I’m not a Christian, I firmly believe in “Hate the sin, Love the Sinner”. So from now on, all references to people I hate will be in personality only. I can write you as an enemy I can stand up against. A nemesis I fight with often. Someone who eventually sees the error of their ways. And in the end, someone I can forgive. Even if you’re none of those things. Even if you’re not worthy of my forgiveness. Because I’d much rather attack you in a way that doesn’t hurt you as an individual. That doesn’t make you wish you weren’t alive. That doesn’t make you feel any of the emotions I’ve felt from being attacked. Or whatever word you want to use that justifies your actions against me. I know people haven’t spoken about me in a while aside from the private incident on Facebook that got dragged into the public. And I know because of that silence, this is kind of me stirring the pot. But it’s not meant to be problematic at all. This is more me realizing I was doing something wrong and taking steps to change it. To be a better person. And I’m sorry 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Fri, 16/05/2025 05:14 (1 Month ago) |
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Sometimes, I really hate the way I look. Other times, I see myself as beautiful.  🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Mon, 12/05/2025 16:20 (1 Month ago) |
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*whimpers* Can I PLEASE not deal with a kidney stone right now? I'm still in pain from dismantling and removing dad's old bed from his room on Friday. Today, I get to remove the mattresses from there, drag them all the way outside in back to the van. Then go into the guest room, dismantle the bed in there, and re...mantle? it in his room. Why am I sleeping in his room after years of finally sleeping alone? Because he's still recovering from the hospital, and he'd rather I be in the room where I can hear him. He does have a remote-controlled alarm, but there's always the chance it could fall down beside the bed. It's just best and safest for me to be with him for now. Then I've still got to clean up the weeds around the house, get the first load packed and ready for our move. I'm trying not to do much, but can't really help it when there's a lot that needs to be done. Thankfully, this load is just a bed, some shelving, and the security system. I have all summer to get everything packed. 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 490 |
Posted: Wed, 07/05/2025 19:45 (1 Month ago) |
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Just mowed the yard for the first time since my heart surgery! Before: Halfway through, heart pounding, sweating, dizzy, nauseous, shaking, panting heavily. Today: Got 85% before the batteries in the lawnmower died. No pounding of heart, mild sweating, no dizziness, no nausea, no shaking, slight difficulty breathing. OMFG! I'm crying again. The difference is so amazing! I never should have let this go as "normal" for so long. I owe the surgery (and likely my life) to dad, too! If it wasn't for five weeks ago, when I called him after a half-mile walk to let him know my heart rate was 180, and he told me to stay put and that he would get me. He has heart problems of his own, and he told me he was worried I would die before him, because, as an otherwise healthy young adult, I shouldn't have that high of a heart rate. After learning how scared he was, I contacted my cardiologist that day and scheduled the appointment. I wish I had brought this to my doctor's attention 8+ years ago instead of just three. They might have been able to find dad's SVT and Afib earlier. Before getting Covid and Cancer in 2020 took all his energy from him. Maybe he'd still have better mobility and strength now. Maybe he wouldn't need to be on Oxygen 24/7... *sighs* Could've, Should've, Would've. All we can do now is make the most of the time we have left. 🌸❤️🌸🧡🌸💛🌸💚🌸💙🌸💜🌸 [Read more] |
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